Of Random Memories

The college life is a complex and many layered thing. The good, the bad and the worst. The good is a farce. Do not trust it. Take an advice from someone who has gone through the motions of college life spending two years in the institution of what we call the college. For extreme survival what we need is a an average amount of good grade in each subject so that when facing trouble you can innocently gaze up in the teacher’s face and say “but miss, I got an A last year in your course!”, also it helps mollify your parents that you just might be learning something even though the physics goes high up from your head in a Boeing 747, chemistry flies by in a hot air balloon and maths decides to form arcs above your highest ponytail.

Also for basic survival, you need excuses. For instance, when you are late, make a face appropriately innocent for a hungry child in Ethiopia and say, “but miss, my car broke down and I had to come to college in a rickshaw”. There is absolutely no point in worrying teachers about how you woke up late and your beauty routine took up the extra ten minutes because then of course if you wont put on the black nail polish with your black bag how would the economic crisis be avoided. Next, you need to learn bunking. Now keep these tried and tested methods a secret. Always bunk in twos. Never in groups because then you end being caught. Spread your dupatta across formally so that no one can tell from which faculty you are. Also you might consider wearing an abayah and doing purdah as then no one can recognise you or may I suggest that you carry a make up kit which can help alter your face after five minutes required. Or maybe if your parents are really rich you can consider plastic surgery as a last resort. When caught plead sickness, or turn it into a complex matter of social issues. Racism might be a good excuse or you could say you are protesting against the riots in Gwader. Launch into an explanation. Never tell the truth. Teachers refuse to believe that anyone might not be interested in the Brescia solium (if this exists) or Newton’s 19^th Law of Cinderella, if there is any!

Also I learnt the place where you will gain the most knowledge is the cafeteria. Teachers will never tell you when there is a sale at Gul Ahmed for the fear that the good suits might be taken away as they would refuse to inform you that green is the new black this season. They will also not inform you that Nokia is out with a touch screen. You see, they are scared we might end up with all the good stuff so they have hatched a plan called as the Structure of Boredom 101 where they try to put fluff your brain. Sadly, they fail to realise that we still remain one step ahead of them. Also, your journals are made in the cafeteria. If there is a coke spill, name it as a complex chemical or plant excreta according to the subject and impress the teacher. If all else fails say,” Daagh tou achey hotey hain”.

Despite all of this, if you decide to sit in class and obviously end up getting punished because you were fantasising about John Abraham, try taking a friend with you. That way when you both stand you can play Paper, scissor, rock. It doesn’t matter what distance you stand at. Or exchange places when each other behind the teacher’s back. When called for explanations plead insanity. I am sure this one excuse will always work.

Having, appropriately spoiled your young minds with information I would like to point out that the college life will be one of your best you live. Learn to enjoy and gain knowledge and in the process you will make very precious memories. Trust me I did. And keep passing the legacy of bunking on. Happy college!